Morally Conservative Grandma Meets Stiletto Shoes

 In case you missed my #BG Pageant Diaries volume 3

On a recent trip home to Princeton, N.J., I somehow let it slip to my mom that I want to make a trip to my favorite shoe store. I needed a pair of platform stilettos. I was pretty good at a runway walk in regular stilettos and now it was time to step up my game. I needed a pair of six-inch heels! I intended this to be a solo trip since I do all of my best shopping alone. But I only had a few hours to spend with my mom and my grandmother, so of course, we traveled together—all three generations of women.

My grandmother is the typical conservative South Asian woman. I remember the look of horror on her face and the shame that was dealt upon me for my halter top prom dress from my junior high school prom.
After having seen pictures of me on stage for the Miss New Jersey USA Pageant and well aware that I am planning on competing in the Miss New York USA pageant again next year—I thought I would give both my mom and grandmother a shock. I would show them the height of the heel that I would purchase.

During the past year, my shyness around my family in expressing my love for pageantry has turned into teasing my mom with my love for pageantry to the point where she is shaking her head at my foolishness. I assumed that my grandmother must feel the same way. READ MORE...

What Being Fierce Is All About - #BG Pageant Diaries Volume 2

What Being Fierce Is All About

"Last week, my walking coach decided that we need to pull more ferocity out of me. I agreed. There is some piece of me that still gets shy at the end of the runway—that is afraid to flaunt it all.

His advice—go into a high-end designer retail store. No, we are not talking about Zara, Michael Kors, J. Crew or even Kate Spade—not the places that maybe I could afford if I downsized on my apartment and saved some money. He he was referring to Miu Miu, Bergdorf Goodman, Bottega Veneta, Dolce and Gabbana— the places that I normally don’t even walk into so not to remind myself of how little money I have—the places where a single piece of clothing costs the equivalent of six-months of rent.

My assignment was to walk down 5th Avenue after work when I looked like my usual post-work-self and observe how I am treated at the store. Then I was to go in on a second day—dressed and carrying myself in a fabulous way.

So I followed the first step, and I went in after work in a pair of green jeans and a grey trench coat. My hair was unkempt with natural curls and I wore black Target flats. I felt a fear grip me before walking into my first stop—Miu Miu. I couldn’t afford this store—what was the point of this assignment? READ MORE..."

The First of My Pageant Diaries Series for Brown Girl Magazine

The Enchanting World Of Pageantry

 

"Like most Indian-American girls, I came from a conservative family. My parents were immigrants from Orissa, India in the 1980s. Although I grew up around other people of South Asian descent in New Jersey, I was relatively assimilated to white-American culture. Some people might even call me “white-washed”. However, one thing that made my parents similar to other Indian parents was the belief that hard work, money and stability are the things that we should strive for. Sometimes this meant shaming pursuits that did not fit this mold.

Similarly to many girls, I grew up and went through puberty feeling very awkward and uncomfortable with myself. I remember going through a growth spurt in the sixth grade and feeling completely awkward with my body. My legs suddenly could not fit into any jeans. I was skinny, long-limbed and had a bob haircut (forced upon me by my mother)—which with my thick curly black hair made me resemble an Indian-prepubescent female version of Carrot-Top. I was awkward. This awkwardness followed me into high school up until I was sixteen. READ MORE..."